I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
