Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
