I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
