If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
