I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
