Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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