I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
