Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
