Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
