gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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