I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
