I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
