there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
