so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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