i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
