Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
