Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
