It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
