I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
