I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
