Slut skills are useful in every country.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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