dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
