I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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