i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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