I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Barsexuality is the new black.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
