He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They have beer where we have blood.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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