And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize