And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
