C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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