i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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