So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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