You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
