totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
