just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
