I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
