Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
