i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
