Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
