you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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