I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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