meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
