Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
