I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
