Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
