Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
