I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
