when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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