I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
