Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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