bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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