Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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