i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
