I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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