a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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