You smell like stripper and shame
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize