So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
