Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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