I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
