we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
