Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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