Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
only you would photoshop your dick
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
