How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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