I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
