I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
