guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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