I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
