ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it hurts more in the daytime
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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