I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
