I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
