Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
