Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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