New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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