Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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