i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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