I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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