So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
