As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
