omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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