someone get that fucking seahorse.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
