This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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