did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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